I JUST HAVE TO SHARE THIS...PRANG SITUATION K???
>She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and
became
>lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be
>"friends."
>They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure
>she's
>okay. They still date. They still have sex.
>They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each
>other
>but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real
>score. Even
>her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."
>
>She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in
>the same
>barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates,
>flowers
>and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting
>something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does
>he hold
>her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?
>Sila kaya?
>"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and
>kiss me.
>Parang kami, pero hindi."
>
>They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch
>movie,
>have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books
>for his
>birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex
>jealous. They
>made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about
>it. He
>said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him
>correctly
>because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is
>her
>feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what
>he's
>doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one
>hitch: he has
>a girlfriend!
>
>She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both
>mountaineers,
>they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh
>restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.
>They have
>been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na" but
>then
>she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it
>doesn't
>really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am
>enjoying
>this -- whatever it is."
>
>The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual
>understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends.
>Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase
>where the
>persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.
>Puwedeng may
>verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have
>admitted your
>feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the
>talking for
>you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.
>Pero sa
>kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
>
>This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for
>different
>reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other,
>and you
>want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. A nd for
>reasons
>that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.
>
>It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong
>nakikiramdam.
>Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian
>lang muna.
>Testing lang.
>
>Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually
>the guy
>--may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon
>sa gir
>l
>(sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa),
>wala muna
>kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi
>naman
>kayo."
>
>This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung
>naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."
>
>Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala
>talagang
>kasiguraduhan.
>
>So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi
>naman
>sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
>
>Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.
>Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa w ala" or puwede na iyang
>"pantawid-gutom."
>Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa
>kunwa-kunwarian.
>
>For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think
>that
>pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would
>be fun,
>if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
>
>Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships
>din ako.
>No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't
>commit,
>because they were either committed to someone else, or that they
>weren't
>ready to commit.
>
>My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."
>
>Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong
>nagtatanong kung
>kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag
>tumunog
>ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya
>ang
>message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real
>thing,
>puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
>
>But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship,
>the
>emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae
>lagi ang
>lugi.
>
>Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a
>relationship, you
>can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga
>ba
>magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your
>role in
>his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if
>you feel
>jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.
>Ano ka ba
>niya para magselos?
>
>Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be
>sure if he
>feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya.
>Even if
>you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're
>not sure
>if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang.
>This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the
>relationship.
>Or if there is a relationship at all.
>
>Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
>What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?
>What if you
>remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find
>out that
>he is seeing other girls?
>
>Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a
>disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would
>be the
>end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan
>ka
>lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan.
>Kasi sa
>pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"
>hindi "us."
>
>Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi
>eh. Real
>pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo
>maiwasan
>umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be
>miserable,
>hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out
>eventually that
>the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
>
>Ang h irap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then
>you'd end
>up hurting yourself in the process.
>
>Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo
>muna isipin
>ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the
>consequences.
>
>But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the
>process,
>kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without
>worrying
>what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with
>pseudo-relationships
>and wait for the real thing.
>
>When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable
>guy, a
>friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.
>Magpakasaya ka.
>Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."
>
>Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.
>Ihanda mo
>lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero
>hindi" stage
>ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya ...
>almost, but
>not quite.
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